


Wanting

by Keepoffthegrass



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 21:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3993631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keepoffthegrass/pseuds/Keepoffthegrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written by my sister, her first fan fic really, I'm posting as she doesn't have an account.<br/>Shane thinks about his complicated feelings for Rick as they get into a fight.<br/>One sided and from Shane pov.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanting

**Author's Note:**

> Written by my sister, I'm just posting for her!  
> I have done some editing/beta work but it's mostly hers.
> 
> Don't own etc, written only for fun not profit.

Our blood mingled together in the dust, every cut a stinging reminder; of how much I loved him, how much I failed him, and just how much he'd never know...  


The constant battle for control, for leadership, that I had with him was only partly due to jealousy. The rest was a desperate need for approval; to show that I could be as good a leader as he, as good a provider as he, as good a person as he-that I could be the man he was.  


My feelings for him are complicated, he is my best friend, my work partner, but, and here's where it all gets sticky, I want him sure, but I also want to be him, who wouldn't? Even in these crazy times when the world has gone to shit he's so calm, so together! Still worried and thinking about doing the right thing, making sure there is some order left in this fucked up mess.  
And people like him, they respect and listen to him. I don't have that, I think people are fearfully cautious of me like I'm a loose cannon or something, when all I've ever tried to do is to do my best.  


And not only does he have all that, he also has his perfect family! His loving pretty wife and their sweet little son...Well sometimes one man can have too much and what seems perfect on the outside is rotten to the core inside. If only he knew what his loyal wifey was really like!  
I think a part of me does love her, I certainly do care deeply about her, but it's nothing like how or what I feel for him; When we had sex I'd shut my eyes and imagine Rick inside of her moving, filling her, giving her his seed, othertimes I would imagine that she was him. Those times I wasn't gentle, I'd pound her hard, all my longings and frustrations pouring out of me, and by the love of god I do not know how I managed to stop myself from calling out his name.

We tousled some more. I don't even remember how the fight started, it was all a blur. Maybe it was the fucked up situation; the hunger and the heat, or maybe it was something one of us had said. Whatever it was must of pissed him off as he was winning, and I was now pinned against an abandoned bus.

 

I took in the furrowed lines on his brow, the angry glint in his blue eyes and the beads of sweat forming on his top lip.  
I licked my lips and swallowed hoarsely, he probably thought I was scared or thirsty or both. If only he knew how much I wanted to lick that line of sweat and kiss that mouth...hell I wanted to punch him in the face, drag him to the car and make him beg for me to stop then plead with me not to, until at last he would know just how wonderful we could be together.  
I felt a twitch in my groin, please god don't let him see, not now not like this.

Out of nowhere I saw Rick raise a hammer and aim it right at my head before quietly telling me to get down, which I did without hesitation.

Thump thump thump

Rick aimed blow after blow on the walker who had appeared at the nearest bus window to my shoulder.

Holy fucking shit! I exclaimed before Rick said something about getting cleaned up and getting back to camp. I nodded solemnly, I guess he will never know and I will be left wanting.


End file.
